A thought

I wrote this a while ago but didn't find the right time to post it. It's kind of personal but I have to share with someone.

It's sad how one moment can change your life. One minute you are all happy and just living your life when a phone rings and change everything and all you want is for things to go back to normal. It started like every other Tuesday. I woke up early to go to class, I was very happy because my brother just announced his engagement. I was just talking to my cousin about how wonderful it is and how excited I was. I just ended the call and was getting ready to go to class when my cousin called again. I couldn’t understand if she was laughing or crying and then she told me. She told me my grandmother died. I was shocked, I couldn’t even talk it felt like my brain stopped working for a second. I couldn’t realize that she is GONE. The last time I saw her was back in August before I came back to the US. Every day I spent in America I missed her and now I have to live with the fact that I will never see her again. Every time I called her she would ask me: When are you coming back to Saudi? And I would tell her in the summer and she would say it was really far away. Back then I didn’t really know how long it was really going to be? My mind is still processing, it’s been so long since I last saw her and I just can’t believe she is not there anymore. I feel like if I pick up the phone and just call her, she would answer the phone and ask me when am I coming back? My cousins who are here with me make me make me feel like I don’t care as much as they do but, I just don’t like to grieve loudly in public. They don’t understand that everyone grieves in their own way. I try to keep myself busy and act strong in front of people. But, it hurts on the inside. I might be smiling at people but that doesn’t mean that at any moment a tear wouldn't drop. This year has been filled with so many events that I can’t even realize what happened. With so many things happening I can’t help to wonder what else is this year holding for us. I’m hoping for more happy news I don’t think I can handle anymore sad news.