My heart aches for someone to
understand what I’m feeling. It’s hard to open up to someone and say what I’m
feeling. No one can really listen and understand without judging. I wish that I
can find a stranger and pour my heart out but the problem is that I don’t think
that I can even say what’s bothering me to a stranger. I’m always afraid of
being judged. Always afraid of what would people think of me. Sometimes I say I
don’t care what other people think why should i? But, who am I kidding I never
stopped caring. I’m always too afraid I will disappoint not only everyone
around me but to disappoint myself. I always here you did this wrong you did
that wrong don’t you think I know what I did wrong? It hurts hearing that it
really does. Knowing that you screwed so many times nobody even believes you? And
why do you think I lie, for fun? No it’s to avoid further disappointments and embracement’s.
You know how bad it feels to hear that you have no credibility. The problem is
no one truly understands, not without judging, not without thinking why would
you do that? I think I’ve been lying to myself too. I keep telling myself
everything is ok, there is nothing you can’t fix, and it’s not too late. The problem
is no one truly trusts me. So why should I give my trust to anyone? Who am I kidding
I need to stop lying, face the truth and take charge of my life. I should just
open a new page and fix up my life. I’m going to try to make this reality and
not just words on the web.
A Lost Soul...
